We're like a lot better than the average bears
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Randomize