somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
