loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize