I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
