i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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