he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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