I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
