this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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