So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Found your dick twin last night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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