My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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