well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize