would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
