Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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