why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
