she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
