he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
