It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
