Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
