She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
