my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm bleeding and have questions
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
