This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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