Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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