You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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