She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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