We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
