11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
