i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
