Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
