Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize