It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I love you. Go after that dick
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
