Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
