he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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