I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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