history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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