So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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