I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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