omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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