Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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