discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize