So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
