Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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