Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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