Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
