he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
