If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
