we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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