listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
