So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
