apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
