A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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