I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Drunk is not a location!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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