If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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