Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
