Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
