Cold hands, warm shart.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
