There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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