Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
