using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
