Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Found your dick twin last night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
