hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
