wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
