the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You smell like stripper and shame
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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