I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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