Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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