i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
