I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
